The vase crashed to the floor, shattering the fragile glass. Water and greens tumbling off the wooden table and onto the freshly cleaned carpet as the rolling, tussling boys reversed direction, their war cries drowning out any attempts to arrest their attention.
And the irony was this: as my blood pressure escalated with their fight, I wanted to laugh because I was supposed to be writing about godly contentment.
“Jesus… What am I doing?”
How do I possibly write about something that seems to be disappearing even as I reach for it? No, not even reach…just consider it. The more I tried to put trust in God and the contentment He brings, the more I tried to put that down on a glowing computer screen, the more it seemed to allude me.
And then short days later, we were driving through the dark hills of Pennsylvania with the DVD player blaring Holiday Inn and the unpolished, unfinished words had yet to be fully written and that’s when the panic set in.
“Jesus… What am I doing?”
And then it was suddenly the morning of getting up and saying all the words – speaking them to people who needed to hear. How do you give help and answers when you’re the weak one?
“Jesus… What am I doing?”
And then the answer; quiet and true. I’m doing nothing. I open my mouth, but it’s up to Jesus to open ears and hearts. And isn’t that just like Jesus…like his written promises stuffed throughout the Bible?
Strength when you need it.
Strength only and best when you recognize your weakness.
Strength to your own heart when you try to help others – so much blessing in service.
It was in laying down the stress of finding the right words, laying down the pressure to be the right person, that God made it right – made it light.
God uses the broken.
Moment by moment.
It’s far easier to practice contentment if I don’t think about any of it, but that isn’t true peace. At times, it’s almost easier to accept that parts of our stories are random than that the painful chapters could actually hold great beauty and purpose. Don’t be afraid to lean into Him for the hope he’s promised. ~ a brief quote from my time with the ladies of Bethel Baptist Church in Wilmington, Delaware
For the full transcript of the December 3rd Christmas tea talk: “The Gift Of Godly Contentment” (wherein I share what it has looked like to wait for God in our silent and desolate times) – click here.