cancer – Page 9 – CHASE AWAY CANCER

Dear Hospital Parent

My dearest Fellow Parent and Partner in the Awful Fight,

First of all, you are so brave. Even when you feel like a huddled, sobbing child yourself – never forget, you are fulfilling your role as the lover and caretaker of your child and you are just so, so brave.

There are so many places I could start, and in truth, this could probably be a volume rather than a letter, but I’ll try and keep it short as I know you’re probably already on overload.

First off, they almost never tell you that sitting hunched and weary next to a hospital bed is going to feel not only normal, but appropriate and right, and leaving the room (let alone the floor or the building) might fill you with all sorts of things, not the least of which is dread. Nobody tells you that it might feel strange to breathe and function in the normal world when your baby is attached to IVs and monitors for their life. But do it anyway. Give yourself a place to breathe as if your own life depends on it – even if it’s forcing yourself out onto the city street with shaking knees and eyes filled with tears for just a minute or two.

Chase in post-op; sleeping off the anesthesia

I know it feels like life is ending, but it isn’t, so try not to let it close in on you. Your perspective has been drastically, irrevocably altered, but it is not gone altogether. Fight against your irrational fears (because trust me, there are plenty of rational ones in our scenarios), and keep pushing into it all to find your “normal” – a sliding-scale word that will likely henceforth only be referred to with quotation marks in your life. Some days, going to the cafeteria for a coffee is going to feel like the pre-cancer equivalent of cleaning your whole house and running all the errands. Victory is sweet.

Also, If you find yourself able to go see one doctor for yourself – make it a dentist. Do I sound crazy? I probably am. It’s hard to think about teeth at all when your baby’s hair is falling out or their nourishment comes through a tube in their veins. Sometimes you spend the day in the hospital and are home for only a few hours before going back and sitting in the ER until 2AM. On these days, self care of any kind feels counterintuitive, but trust me, you don’t want to deal with all the cavities when you resurface from treatment in two or three years, so if you master the whole “leaving the hospital thing”, go see your dentist. I’m saying these crazy things because I care, really.

Next, or probably in truth, even before you go to your dentist, find your “circle”. When it goes public that your child has cancer, a lot of people will want a piece of you and your story. People you haven’t heard from in decades will come out of the woodwork just to let you know they love you and are praying for you and want to do something for your family. It’s amazing and a little embarrassing that something so awful brings so much “special”. However, not all these people are in your fight for the long haul or will speak into your life (as opposed to taking a piece of it), so find your long haulers. One, two, six…the few, the trusted, the prayer warriors, the 24/7 texting-phone-always-on-friends who say they love you no matter what, will help you no matter the time or demand, and only give advice when you ask. These are your people for the marathon. They will be, as my dear friend Judi says: your “stretcher bearers”. Because you will need the holding up – desperately.

Chase with some of his "circle"... #SquadGoals — Chase with some of his “circle”… #SquadGoals

Speaking of needs… it’s okay to be a hot mess. We live in the generation of perfect parents with all things filtered and pinned and the truth is that it’s all too easy to forget that life is messy. No one parent can do all that is thrown at them in a day, let alone all that is expected, and then you add a cancer diagnosis to this guilt-riddled scenario? Well, say goodbye to sanity! Okay, so perhaps that’s a slightly dramatic comment, but I really mean the heart of it. We are broken human beings trying to care for other broken human beings and our bodies are fearfully and wonderfully designed, but year after year of extreme stress, emotional turmoil, sleep deprivation and facing terminal situations all take their tole. I guess what I’m getting at is this: there are many ways to go through this journey, so don’t look to the parent next to you – look to yourself, and don’t be afraid to get help if you need it. Anxiety, depression, and stress are real and devastating on an emotional and physical level. We were never created for this and anyone who Facebook memes you to just be strong…well, it’s nice, but the truth is we’re weak…and that’s not all bad. If you learn anything from cancer, let it be this: life is too short and too precious to be anything other than raw and authentic. Don’t pretend. You’ll be amazed how often your struggles are shared and your words identified with – because we’re all broken.

There are so many other little things I’d love to tell you…from the secret to finding washing machines in the hospital to making time for spiritual renewal, but for now, I’ll close – simply reminding you again that you are so brave and you are not responsible for the weight of the world, the outcomes, or even one whole day. Just take it moment by moment.

Signed with love from the trenches,

Ellie

Chase Away Cancer On St. Baldrick’s Today

This week, the St. Baldrick’s Foundation is sharing an exclusive excerpt of Chase Away Cancer in order to help promote the book and fund research. When you purchase a copy through their official link [here], they’re donating 100% of the proceeds to livesaving cancer research.

I’m so thankful for their advocacy and encouragement to our family and so many others like us. Come on over and read the excerpt! It involves our ambulance hitting a Chicago cab. True story.

Here I’ll get you started…

Despite medical intervention, Chase’s fever continued to rise and his heart rate wouldn’t come down. The doctors came and went, talking to us and then stepping out in the hall to phone Chase’s other doctors and make plans.

Chase himself was in fairly good spirits as he’d been given stickers and a comfortable, soft pair of yellow hospital pants, but monitors don’t lie. His heart rate was staying way too high while the fever hovered around 104.

After repeated sessions of consulting with us and stepping into the hallway to get on the phone with Dr. Lulla and Chase’s team, all the white coats concurred: Chase needed to “go home”…

For the rest of this exclusive book excerpt, click here.

Click here for the second part of the story. -MbM

Shelf Life with Rachel McRae This Week

Today, please join me over on LifeWay Books blog: Shelf Life with the incomparable Rachel McRae.

It was a great honor to write an exclusive story for the LifeWay audience that is not included in the book. So come check it out.

Here, I’ll get you started…

I love stories. Maybe it’s how I learn, or maybe it’s just my dramatic belief that I could be a kindred spirit with the likes of Anne of Green Gables, but whatever it is, stories speak to me and often come closest to defining the otherwise inexplicable in life. So, I wrote you a story.

This story is exclusive because it isn’t in the book and I it put into words just for you. But this story is also a communal experience with aspects like fear, pain, love, and the unknown.

I invite you to see yourself in me. Learn from my broken story, and then go and tell your own beautifully broken story – because God is who He says He is.

The IV pumps clicked comfortingly in the eerie glow of monitors and the clock on the wall read 11:30 p.m. – late for even the children’s hospital emergency room…

For the rest of the story, click HERE.

-MbM-

Chase Away Cancer @ Anderson’s Bookshop

I’m a Naperville girl, born and bred, and so it gives me great pleasure to tell you that I’ll be in my home town signing books very soon!

You guys, Anderson’s Bookshop in downtown Naperville has agreed to take this crazy, sweatpants-wearing mama and let her show up for a talk and signing just like a real author. Can you even…?

Here’s what you need to know:

This event is on Saturday, June 4th at 2:00PM
You can contact the store to purchase a copy of Chase Away Cancer either in person, online, or over the phone. [Anderson’s Bookshop]
When you purchase Chase Away Cancer through Anderson’s, you will be given a number indicating your position in the book signing line.
I will be giving a short talk starting at 2:00PM and then after a brief time of Q&A — signing!

[please note: store policy prohibits books being brought to the signing from other retailers, so getting your copy directly from Anderson’s is key.]

Now, more importantly… WHY:

I told my mom about this event and because she gave birth to me, I know she’ll be there. Well, I hope she’ll be there… But the one thing she asked me is “Why are people who might already have purchased the book elsewhere going to want to take a chunk out of their busy Saturday to come and buy another book just to have you sign it?”

Self-esteem building questions aside… Here’s why I think you should come to Anderson’s, buy a book, and have me sign it for you.

I believe in my heart that this story is worth hearing and so, if you already have one copy, buy a bunch as Christmas presents! (You’re welcome.) Or, perhaps there’s just one person on your heart who needs their own copy… Now is the time.
I believe that the more people show up at this wonderful event, the less likely dear, sweet Anderson’s is to call my publisher and say “You’ve got to be kidding us… Never again.”
I believe that this is a brief, very small (but hopefully very great) way to rally for childhood cancer. I’d love to see this bookshop so packed that people walking down the busy weekend streets of the city stop and think to themselves “Wow, what’s that about? Maybe this is something I should read…maybe that’s something I should know about.”

So that’s my my story and I’m sticking to it. Because I wrote it.

I SO hope to see you there!

And until then…

Moment by moment.

Meet Ellie (1)

What To Expect When You’re Expecting To Read “Chase Away Cancer”

For the last several weeks, I’ve been getting feedback both on the idea of Chase Away Cancer and now on the finished book itself. Everyone is being so gracious, but there have also been some threads of question and/or doubt woven in that I’d very much like to put to rest.

So, what should you expect when you’re expecting to read this book? Here are the three most common points of feedback that I hear. I hope with all my heart that the answers put your mind at ease and prepare you to join us on the journey.

1. “Well, I probably won’t read the book because I’ve followed along with your blog the whole time, so I pretty much know the story anyway.”

Yes…and super, really NO.

Yes, it’s true that if you’ve followed the blog or Facebook page, you have a good idea of where the story goes, however, this book was written from scratch (almost two whole times!) and while it holds some similarities (lessons learned, etc), this is the straight-up, dialogue-filled story of Chase’s diagnosis and treatment. I’m not kidding, you guys. You will be IN THE ROOMS with Bob and I as we make decisions on his treatment and life.

This is unprecedented openness for us — and it is so much so that over a dozen medical staff had to sign off on conversations and use of their real names. It’s so different from the blog in some ways that my own parents (with whom we lived during Chase’s treatment) read the book and immediately called us to say “Wow, we knew, but at the same time, we didn’t know…”

So, to sum up, put all ideas of a yawn fest aside. I kept you faithful story-followers and blog readers in mind when I wrote the manuscript – there will be plenty to learn, and dare I say, even …enjoy?

2. “I really want to support you and everything, but I’m really scared to read a book about a child who gets cancer.”

I would be too.

I can honestly say that if I hadn’t written this book, and somebody told me I should read it, I would probably approach it with some trepidation.

There will be some chapters that you’re going to want to have the box of tissues close, but there are other chapters that will make you laugh out-right and you’ll be shocked that you just giggled over a book with the word “cancer” in it. This is life with Chase. You laugh. You cry. And sometimes, you do both together.

My amazing editor and I (along with a gifted and highly skilled team) worked incredibly hard to make this book “breathable” – ie: you will feel what we felt in the sadness, but you’ll also feel our joy and you’ll find times to “breathe” and take it in as you read. In other words, you’ll get all the feels, but it’s unlikely to blindside you. This was written for joy and grace, not a shock value.

3. “But I don’t have a child with cancer.”

That’s the best news I’ve heard all day!

While it’s true that this book will probably speak most directly to parents of children with cancer, each chapter ends with something God taught us on the journey and the heart of the entire book is that LIFE IS MESSY, but GOD IS FAITHFUL.

So yes, your life might not include cancer, but don’t underestimate how the story might touch you, encourage you, or give you far greater understanding into the life of a friend who might be hurting.

Does that sound proud? I don’t mean it to be — but you guys, throughout this journey, I’ve been amazed that some of the greatest, most touching stories I’ve ever heard about what’s written on this blog came from people who were encouraged and given hope to carry on because they saw their infertility, their disease, their caregiving, their financial difficulties, their selling a house, etc, etc… (seriously, I could go on and on) through the same eyes as I saw a trial of cancer. Yes, my difficulties might look different than yours, but stress is stress and in that, there is a really incredibly universality in Chase’s story.

So, won’t you join us?

*Have other questions or concerns? Please let me know! I’d love to answer them.*