He doesn’t remember a time when there wasn’t cancer in the house; when his older brother wasn’t damaged, hurtful, screaming, and beside himself with pain. He was a sweet toddler who couldn’t yet sympathize with it all, so he became a witness to and – if we’re being very honest – a victim of cancer pain at the hands of a two-year-old sibling who didn’t understand any of it himself.
He is only six now and he’s tough as nails, but will weep at the thought of anyone in pain – ever. He has a love/hate relationship with Chase – wailing on Chase at times and wailing on anyone else who dares to disparage his brother. He is the youngest and yet he is not the baby. And he himself doesn’t completely understand why a scream turns him inside out, but I know. I remember how he would run during a lab draw, when neutropenia and pain left more monster than brother on the couch to his little baby eyes.
He will spend his whole life being a part of this and having it be a part of him, and by the grace of God and fervent prayer, we never stop praying that it will be the making and not the breaking of him.
The life of a cancer sibling is often a silent, supporting role. It has to be, and they do it so well. But here, in his own words, is Karsten – sharing a little of himself. This is raw, unfiltered, uncut – All boy, all brother, all laughter, all pain, all in.
Moment by moment…
Bullying [dictionary definition]: the use of superior strength or influence to intimidate (someone), typically to force him or her to do what one wants.
Bullying [Karsten definition]: the dictionary plus anything else he’s not a fan of Chase doing – a line of demarcation that changes every three to five minutes and may depend on how recently Chase has shared the iPad with him.