He walked into the room and sighed loud and long, his little way of reminding me that he was here and waiting to be noticed.
Turning from making the bed, I acknowledged him.
“Hey, Chasey-bear, what’s up?”
With hands at his sides and head lowered, he spoke the words, “Today on the bus.”
I waited for a second and when nothing followed, I bent into his pattern, pieces of a sentence stated, pieces of a sentence repeated. This is his way. “Today on the bus?”
“Yes. Ian and Aden.”
“Ian and Aden?”
They said I was short and they made fun of me for being so tiny.”
I stopped still.
How do you react when you want to be justice for your children and it’s already too late?
The words were already said and heard. “Oh sweet boy . . . what did you do? What did you say?
He hung his head, but his voice was steady. “I did not yell and I did not scream.”
“Not even a bit?” I tried to see his face.
“Nope. No screaming.” He put a hand to his chest. “But my heart.”
“Your heart?”
His dropped again. The single word burning as he spoke: “Hurts.”
Some days the truth is not spoken lovingly, but hurled like a weapon and it stings.
How do you prepare a child to stand strong when all that makes him beautiful stands out differently from the children around him?
It will take a great deal of strength to meet these thrown words with grace. And he will need to do it often, I’m sure. I’ve seen how the other children look at him on the playground, and I hear them ask simple and honest “Why doesn’t he have hair like us?” They cannot know that their simplicity is painful because it’s complicated for us.
It’s funny how we want to be proud of our scars, but we’re still keenly aware of their unique quality and it bothers us. It’s too easy to compare, come up short, and sometimes even lash out as we feel our own differences.
This day, Chase succeeded. He did not scream – a huge victory for my small boy, I know. There will be times to speak up, but this day, it was better to be quiet.
And at the end of it, I don’t care how far off the ground his head stands; he can hold it high because he did the right thing.
Moment by moment.
