In some ways, for her, it is the hardest. She was the oldest and remembers the most. She is the oldest and sees the most.
There are many days she would gladly slay when he is manic and won’t get out of her face for so many reasons – too many reasons. But there are just as many days she would gladly slay as she sits in tears, horrified that we live in a world where people look on her little brother with anything other than love and acceptance.
In many ways, she is ‘other’ just as he is – her soul too old for her body, her eyes witness to many things kids her age will never see in their whole lives. She lives with the guilt of resenting something and someone who feels extremely and more temporary than most. She worries that her loved ones will always stay alive and only stay close.
And sometimes, she crawls into bed next to me and needs to talk through how once upon a long-ago July, I yelled for her to stay in her top bunk even as her dad carried a seizing Chase out of the bedroom and the emergency lights flashed through the dark of their bedroom window as her whole world changed before she knew it – before she even ever fully woke up.
The life of a cancer sibling is often a silent, supporting role. It has to be, and they do it so well. But here, in her own words, is a little of Darcy (with some “help” from Chase). This is raw, unfiltered, uncut – All heart, all sibling, all laughter, all pain, all in.
Moment by moment…
august 2.
thank you so much for sharing these videos of the other kids in your family, revealing glimpses of how it is to be a cancer sibling. I appreciate them sharing. AND it gives me a better idea how to pray for them.