My Darling Boy,
Your Dad and I cannot believe you’ve lived with cancer as a part of your life for seven whole years now. I remember when we were fighting for days and months, and now you’ve lived with it three times longer than you haven’t. And how handsome and precious you look as you laugh and say that Daddy and I look so old now.
I know this isn’t how your “cancer anniversary” is supposed to go. We’ve always celebrated because there was no more cancer and you were with us, but this year feels different. Even though you’re very much still with us, it feels like you’ve had to fight a lot harder for it this year… and for the first time in all the seven long…you are not cancer-free and it’s sort of like a distant cloud for all of us. I’m so sorry, son. We hate this for you.
And Chasey Bear, we really don’t even know what to say about all the cancer stuff this year. We know you’re even more tired of it than we are. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. The older you got, the more we were supposed to laugh at how well you were doing and how silly mom is when she worries about you. But oh, my Chase… even though this feels so wrong and heartbreaking, Dad and I are so proud of you. You know more, love deeper, feel greater, and fight harder than any other nine year old we have ever known – and we aren’t just saying that because you’re ours.
These days are not easy and how I wish we were remembering a seizure from seven years ago and not one just days ago, but my sweet boy, we love you so. And even if the story of your body seems to go round and round in circles, the story of your heart – held close in the grace of God – is a climb up the tallest mountain – just going higher, greater, and more – until you stand about and beyond everything else as someone who can do the impossible. You’re more than a conqueror. So brave on, my sweet boy, and fight on, my incredible warrior. You are known.
We love you and always choose hope for you,
Mom and Dad
PS: Remember what Matt said? “Whatever may pass and whatever lies before me…let me be singing when the evening comes.”
PPS: We love you more, most, and infinity.
