Of Procrastination, Sarcasm, and Staying Out Of The ER

Incredibly, 2019 is down to being measured in hours and minutes – the end of both a year and a decade. This year has seen us through many, many new things and all along, we have prayed for the strength to choose joy. You’ve spent the year crying with us, so now, I invite you to laugh. And to that end, I’ve compiled a few status updates from my Facebook page.

I chronicle these things (and have done so for many years now) because life is too short and childhood is even shorter and there are too many parenting moments when you’re faced with the choice of either laughing or melting into a puddle of tears. …and that’s all without even touching illness and hospital days and the simple act of processing it all. So, as much as possible, despite the changes… we choose joy. And we choose to laugh. 

Many of the scenarios include personal hashtags: from the most common – #LifeWithBoys, to the most sarcastic [playing off our secret parenting fears] #NotScholarshipMaterial, as well as a few guest appearances by legendary grandfather, Ed Poole.

Did you just hit your brother in the [inappropriate content] with a roll of wrapping paper?? #FaLaLaLaLotsofTherapy #LifeWithBoys…but make it Christmas

HOW MANY TIMES…

• …have we talked about not licking the walls?

• …have I told you to keep your ever-loving eyes open when you’re running??

• …that punching each other is not a viable communication technique?

• …that your dirty socks don’t magically clean themselves in whatever god forsaken corner of the house you left them in?

• …that you can’t FaceTime me to fix you a sandwich? Ever?

• …that your can’t wear shorts when it’s 30 degrees no matter how much it breaks your heart?

• …that your life isn’t over even if you can’t get your armpits to make fart noises?

• …that if you don’t wear underwear, you might catch something in the zipper?

“I have a question, Mom – if that even is your real name…” #LifeWithChase

“Here, Mom. I got this paper a week ago, but I accidentally left it in my back pack and it has to be filled out by tomorrow, so, you know, you should probably look at it now…” #LifeWithBoys

“You know that’s not true! I would never hit him in the — wait, can I go back and try to say it again with a straight face?” #LifeWithBoys

Hi, yes, we are handling football season very well over here… how are you…? #NoFightingLater #NuancedFierceLooks #NotoriouslyFlamingLambeau #NaughtyFlatulentLads

“Don’t worry, Mom. I won’t be tempted to talk to you while I’m doing my math homework. It’s not like you can help me with it or anything.” #TheOGNotScholarshipMaterial #SchoolForTheGifted

“I am in so much pain.”
“Are you really?”
“I think I tore something in my knee.”
“Probably not.”
“Okay, but I’m almost sure I tore my ACL.”
“No.”
“Everything is torn.”
“Still no.”
“Well, for sure my heart is broken.”
“No, just no.”
“Can you sprain things? Am I sprained?” #TeenGirlSquad #DramaticEmphasis

When Bob is on the West Coast for a few days… Also, that raise. For real. 

“But why do they call it a seizure salad? Seizures are not delicious.” #ItsAMedicalLife

[overheard in the house where no doors have been changed in three years] “I didn’t know there was a door right there, and now my head hurts.” #NotScholarshipMaterial

Meanwhile, on Instagram, there are orange socks of protest.

Buy one bottle of “super disgusting” Watermelon Cucumber Lemonade, and suddenly, I’m the villain of the piece. Psh. Troglodytes. #LifeWithKids

Amen. Let us close in prayer. 🙏🏻#MondayMotivation #InspirationalQuotes #LifeWithBoys

Where do I hand in my resignation, please and thank you…? #MondayUNMotivation

“What if I put a pillow in it?”
“Nope.”
“…even if I wear a helmet?”
“Um, super no.”
“But it’s just one flight of stairs!”
“No!”
“…in a box!”
“Son!”
“But it’s not like we’ve got priceless artifacts on the walls.”
“You’re grounded forever.”
“Well, you’re a crusher of my dreams.”
“What was our ONE rule for Spring Break…?”
“I know, I know.. ‘Mom’s Not Taking Anyone To The ER’…”
“Right.”
“For the record, you never let us do anything fun.”

“Mom, wanna see a magic trick? Um, but also, it kind of includes fire… are you okay with that?” #NotScholarshipMaterial #LifeWithBoys

“I’m sorry he hurt you, but I think that’s the price of doing business when you punch him in the [inappropriate content], child.” #WhyWeDontHaveFriends #WhyWeCantHaveNiceThings

“We’ve been over this before… NO, you may not change your legal name to Aaron Rodgers Ewoldt.” #LifeWithAGreenBayFan #SendHelp

[yelling] “OKAY. HERE IS THE RULE OF THIS FOOTBALL GAME: IF YOU BREAK ANY BONES, THAT IS A FOUL.” #JonesinForTheER

“What? He tried to take my sandwich!!” – explanation for baby brother’s black eye #LifeWithBoys #KnuckleSandwich

“I think my pancreas hurts.”
“Do you even know where your pancreas is?”
“Wait, that’s a real thing? I thought it was just a made up word! I was just messing around!” #TeenGirlSquad #DramaSpleen

“But we’re trying out my new helmet!” #HeadCase #LifeWithBoys

That feeling when you’re super happy to be out of the hospital, but you’re also a little worried about your ride home… 🤣#TheLegendaryEdPoole

“I know you’re enjoying the battle, but can you die quieter? You don’t want to disturb the neighbors.” #LifeWithBoys

Goodnight and goodbye, dear old 2019 …

Moment by moment. 

“The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.”

Psalm 16:6