Today, the kids and I cleaned the house.
And as I wiped dusty corners and caught the fresh cotton scent of new linens snapped wide and tight over soft mattresses, I could not help but ponder the part of the human existence that wants to put things into good order before a change.
Before the far away trip…before the surgery…before the last rites…before the baby is born…
There’s a silent moment when we wipe the slate clean and acknowledge that whenever, however, and if ever we return to this space, we will not be as we once were, and so we perform the same tasks we’ve done so many times before – just one last time before a change.
We wipe away the dust as if we can keep our dust-to-dust beginning and end just a little further past reality than our outstretched hands.
Whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me…
‘10,000 Reasons’, Matt Redman
Tomorrow morning at 11:00AM (CST), Chase will lie still and quiet in a CT scan to look – and hopefully find answer to – why both his lungs and kidneys absorbed significant amounts of radioactive iodine.
The only cells that should absorb the glow of that days ago pill are the cancer cells. And while it could be some sort of anomaly causing his lungs and kidneys to glow so bright for the radiologists, there is the very real shadow of multi-organ metastatic disease – the clinical words for rogue cancer cells in places they should never, ever be – driving percentages of survival down as they spread.
It might still be an anomaly. And Chase has never been one for percentages, thank you Jesus. But today, the kids and I cleaned the house.
Because after tomorrow’s CT scan, we will either be granted a reprieve of treatment, as originally planned, or we will be entering a fight for Chase’s life – the likes of which I suspect we have not seen since the beginning.
And sometimes, when we must face the dust-to-dust reality of the air we breathe so tenuously in the space around us, we push back the dirt, snap and spread the fresh linens like a semblance of control, and then remember that all that really matters is the Love we’ve been given and the love we have to give.
Pray for us as we go…
Moment by moment.
Perfect love expels all fear…
1 John 4:18b (NLT)
Dear Lord: my deep faith tells me you know all too well how to deal with the unknown. Unknown to us, but you already know. So here is where the power of God , the miracle, comes into play. We are counting on it, Lord. Let this beloved boy scan clear of any cancer. Let this handsome boy go home with an “all clear”. Enough misery for this family, Lord. Let it be, Lord, let it be. We bow to your Majesty and give you all the Honor and Glory. Thank you, Lord Jesus.
Sending love, prayers and good thoughts for you all. Thank you for your Love, Belief and Faith. God Bless you all.
Love,
Charley
Ellie,
My heart is heavy as I know yours and all the family is. I wake at night thinking of Chase and pray for him. Only God knows what is ahead, but we pray fervently for Chase and for his healing. I do not have the words to give you strength through this terrible wait, but know prayers are going up for your son and your family.
As always Ellie sharing what you go through is a real blessing to others facing the same thing. Your transparency helps with the truth of a broken and contrite heart. Walking this road is far from easy but God can keep you in perfect step with Him. The words seem simple but the evidence of His presence is made manifest in what He produces in us. Keep looking to Him who is perfect and never stop praying, for that is where your strength lies in the absolute faithfulness of Jesus. I will not stope lifting you up in prayer. Love to all and strength as you walk out your faith and journey.
We are all with you, Ellie, sending love and prayers .
Jane and Clint
Praying that God will give Chase and all of you His peace, mercy, and strength, during this scary time!