Once again, there are less than five hours left to this year of 2018. This year has seen us through many things and all along, we have prayed for the strength to choose joy. To that end -the joy part, or in this case, the hysterical laugh-until-you-cry part- I’ve compiled a few status updates from my Facebook page.
I chronicle these things (and have done so for many years now) because life is too short and childhood is even shorter and there are too many parenting moments when you’re faced with the choice of either laughing or melting into a puddle of tears. So, as much as possible, despite the changes that come with age and time and …maturity (?) …we choose to laugh.
Many of the scenarios include personal hashtags: from the most common – #LifeWithBoys, to the most sarcastic [playing off our secret parenting fears] #NotScholarshipMaterial, as well as a few quest appearances by Bob Ewoldt (husband) and Ed Poole (grandfather) –
“These houses are for dummies? They look pretty good to me, Mom.” #NotScholarshipMaterial #FlipFail
“Mom, if Aaron Rodgers was my parent, he might do a better job than you. Maybe.” #LifeWithADeathWish #SelfEsteem
8:30PM: Don’t forget the field trip money tomorrow, okay?
Aidan: Okay.
6:50AM: Aid, the money…
Aidan: I’ve got it.
7:32AM: Aidan, are you sure you’ve got the money?
Aidan: I’m sure. I’ve got it, Mom.
8:38AM: Final warning… we are getting in the car. Aid, are you sure you have the money?
Aidan: What money…?
8:39AM: Are you kidding me, Son?
Aidan: Totally! I’ve got it, Mom.
NARRATOR: But Aidan didn’t have the money… #SchoolForTheGifted#
“Hey! Just because I stoled it from you does not mean you get to use your angry voice with me!” – yelling #Irony #LifeWithBoys
“But you never *specifically said* I had to do my required reading in English.” Come se dice ‘grounded’ en espanol? #VidaConChicos #NoMaterialDeBecas
** Note: no creativity was squelched in the making of this post. The only thing curtailed was spending 20 minutes figuring out how to butcher “I want ice cream” in Spanish. **
“You never let us do anything fun ever and you’re probably the worst, meanest mom. ~ A completely logic-based rebuttal on being found throwing the football in the living room…again. #Grounded #LifeWithBoys
“He’s the best punching bag I’ve ever had.” ~ See? It’s not that hard to think of a nice thing to say about your brother. #ThisIsWhyWeCantHaveNiceThings
“Oh good grief, I swear I’m going deaf. I can’t see anything anymore, Mom. I mean it.” #DramaTeen
Hormonal Tween Sister: “I’m going to e-x-p-l-o-d-e!”
Accelerated-Education Brother: “You’re going to explore what?”
Spelling saves lives, people, spelling saves lives. #LifeWithSiblings
TFW the football game is very stupid because there’s no tackling allowed and then you tell the ref he’s stupid and then, because the ref is also your dad, you get ejected from the game and grounded. #KeepingItReal #Struggle #ParentingGains
When your umbrella has a lightning rod, or perhaps, your lightning rod has an umbrella.
Mom: “It’s rather a serious design flaw.”
Me: “With Dad or the umbrella?”
Mom: “Yes.” #TheMemorableEdPoole
“But we were doing trust falls…!” #LifeWithBoys #TrustFails
“I know we’ve never explicitly discussed your use of kitchen tinfoil for the making of an ax…to chop off your brother’s head…and yes, it does look very realistic and you’re very creative, but… hey… where did you get police tape…?” #LifeWithBoys
“But you said we couldn’t play ball in the house with a ball…you never said we couldn’t play soccer in the house with an apple.” #NotScholarshipMaterial
“I’m not saying we would actually listen to you more, but it’d probably help if you used a megaphone.” #LifeWithBoys
Life with boys in a nutshell… August 7, 2018
[brings me an envelope marked with school district official lettering, dated April 26, 2018]
“Here, Mom! This was in my backpack. Um, you should probably open this RIGHT NOW because I think it’s important.”
“Are you from another planet? Do you think life is all about fun? THIS IS NOT A FUN HOUSE. Now, go work!” 3:14PM – The exact moment I turned into my father.
Suggest that the baby name his new stuffed pig “Bacon” ONE TIME… and suddenly, *I’m* the villain of the piece. Psh… #NotWinningThePopularVote
::HOW TO GET GROUNDED FOR LIFE::
Me: “You need to go downstairs and clean up the basement.”
Child [snorts derisively]: “What am I? Your butler?”
Me: “You need to get moving…like, right now.”
Boy [arms and legs spread proudly in the doorway]: “But a captain always goes down with his ship!!”
Me: “Just get out of the car so I can close the garage, okay?” #Doomed #LifeWithBoys #CaptainsLessThanCourageous
Boy 1: “This is something important. Like, one of the most important things in the whole world!”
Boy 2 [snickering]: “Like underwear?
Boy 1 [sage older brother voice]: “Psh…underwear isn’t important.” #LifeLessonsWithBoys
“So wait, what are all the words I’m not supposed to say in front of people…?” #LifeWithBoys
Me: “…and that’s why it’s kind and appropriate to hold doors for women.”
Karsten [grimacing]: “So wait, I’m supposed to hold the door for ladies. …and you too?” #LifeWithBoys #ChivalryIsDead
Me: “Are you going to clean up the kitchen floor like I asked you to…?”
Chase: “Look, this has been fun but I’ve got a plane to catch.”
[runs out of the room] #GroundedForLife
“But how could you hit you head against the wall of you were standing still…and were not even close to the wall?” #Conundrums #LifeWithBoys
“For the last time…KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN WHEN YOU WALK.” #LifeWithBoys
9:45 PM – “Mom, Karsten changed my phone to Spanish and now I can’t find anything. How do you say ‘English’ in Spanish?”
Someday we will laugh about this…
Probably not today.
Is it Friday..? Please, let it be Friday…
#lifewithboys #parentingFTW
“YOU HAVE TO HELP ME FIND SOCKS BECAUSE YOU ARE MY MOTHER!!!!!” Oh good… it’s one of *those* days. #LifeWithBoys
#LifeWithBoys #NoFilter #HelpMeJesus
So apparently, I never explicitly said “Hey, guys…don’t take the mattresses off the beds.” Silly Me. #LifeWithBoys
Bob: I’ll get the kids ready for bed, El.
Me: Aw, thanks, Babe. That’s so ki— [looks up at him] …
[bowing excessively] “Thank you, thank you very much. My name is Karsten and I’ll be your hero for the evening. You’re quite welcome, little lady.” – anonymous child with clear self esteem issues #LifeWithBoys #HelpMeJesus
Chase: “Mom, why can’t I go outside? Can I go outside now? What about now?” Also Chase: “Mom, I feel like you should know that everybody -like, for real, everybody– is complaining because you won’t let them go outside.” #RabbleRouser #LifeWithBoys
“Mom! You do know we men know how to take care of ourselves, right? [growls] And where did you put my Spider-Man blanket?” #LifeWithBoys #Irony
“No, you can’t use your brother for target practice.” #LifeWithBoys
“But you always say we can’t because it’s dangerous, Mom! You need to come up with a new reason!” #LifeWithBoys
There are so many crazy things that happen during the year and this year especially, I haven’t gotten very much time to post on social media, but wow, these kids make me laugh, so here are a few never-before-seen quotes…
** THE BONUS ROUND **
“So, it’s a ‘no’ on football in the house every time? – clarification, boy-style.
“But he was looking at me like he wanted me to trip him! And then falling on his face was just an accident. Really!” #WontHoldUpInCourt
“I don’t care how angry you were at your sister. Mooning her is never an appropriate rebuttal to the argument!” #LifeWithBoys
“At what point did drilling holes in the side of the garage seem like a good idea?” #NotScholarshipMaterial
“But I didn’t know it was going to flood the bathroom!” #TheEndOfBathtime
Goodnight and goodbye, dear old 2018 …
Moment by moment.
“The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.” Psalm 16:6
Mrs. Ewoldt, Because I know 3 of your 4 children and because I’m now the grandmother of 2 grandsons, I LOVED reading these. I can relate! Thank you SO much for posting. Your comments were hysterical! Of course, those of us who know your little darlings, know that they’re just that, darling. Typical kids, maybe, but darling typical kids. Much happiness to you and your family in 2019. You’re an unusual woman and a fantastic Mom.