So alone. “Lord, I don’t want to be alone.”
I remember it as clearly as if it were this morning. Pitch black early November morning … it couldn’t have been more than 3:00 AM … the sound of a small baby’s breath in the crib next to my bed … the sound of my heart pounding in my ears.
For months, I’d been so certain, so sure, even at peace. This was my life. God had called me to be a single mother and minister to others. And now, quite suddenly, my surety was gone. And in it’s place … lonliness. Not in a “I’m at a party and nobody’s talking to me” way, but rather like watching the hero of a movie die and thinking “No! That’s not right! Life shouldn’t be like that!” … that is the feeling I remember.
And then, silence. And in that silence, there was a direction, as clear as if someone had spoken the words outloud to me:
“Pray. Pray for a kinsman redeemer.”*
Is that you, Lord? A kinsman redeemer? Really?! I feel crazy even saying that I heard that — let alone repeating it.
Pray for a kinsman redeemer.
Alright. Lord. This is crazy, but I’ll pray …
The closing of one chapter and the beginning of another. Saturday, October 13, 2007, and counting …
“Your love, O Lord, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies.” ~ Psalm 36:5
*Kinsman Redeemer — See the book of Ruth to read the full account of Ruth and Boaz.
Beautiful. Happy Anniversary, you crazy cats. 🙂
Thanks, Leah! I think you were the officially the first person to say that this year.
Wow, Ellie! This post gave me chills! God is so good and amazing! Thank you so much for sharing. You are a beautiful writer.
Beautiful, Ellie. Happy Anniversary and blessings on your little family:)
Yes! God is faithful. I am thinking you “swore off” men at some point. 🙂 But no, God had it all purposed before the beginning of time. He knew all along. I love this about God. Happy Anniversary to the Ewoldts! Love you. Miss you.
Thank you Ellie. What a great reminder and a sweet testimony to the Love of God, and His faithfulness. Since all you girls were little, your Mother and I prayed for a godly young man for you as a spouse. On the 13th of every month I read Proverbs 13 and am reminded of His faithfulness is doing just that. “Desire realized is sweet to the soul,” v.19
Thank you, dear ones … I’m hoping to write more on this in the future, so stay tuned. 🙂
Ellie, I can so relate to this. I had a nearly identical experience as a single mom, except I wasn’t a believer at the time. I too cried out to God for my kinsman redeemer, but those words would have been a mystery to me. All I knew was that I shouldn’t raise 2 sons alone, but I couldn’t see how I could change it. I couldn’t, but God did. Thanks for sharing that–and a late Happy Anniversary to you and Bob!