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A Time Of Joy In Shifting Sand

What do I do with the baby?

The most difficult question for me … and the most often asked by others.   Some encouraged me that single motherhood could be done, others pressed pamphlets for adoption agencies into my hands during well-meaning conversations, and still more emailed or called to tell me of families they knew who were looking to adopt and might be interested in the child I carried.

Around me were women who had been blessed in single parenthood (while admitting to the difficulties of such an undertaking) and families who had been blessed in and through adoption. As I began to talk to people on both sides of the decision – the “keepers” and the “adopters” – it became increasingly clear to me that this was deeply personal and with a few very circumstantial exceptions (inappropriate home environment, no role models, no assistance – all in the case of single parenthood) there was no right or wrong decision.

I was (and am still) very thankful for my parents – during these days they were an almost constant sounding board for me. We talked through everything, and as I started to think through adoption, they were particularly encouraging and supportive. They also provided a bit of a buffer between me and my sisters.

My sisters and I have always been close and the news of my pregnancy had been an emotional and mental blow to them. …as well it should have been. In complete shock, it was taking us months to repair and rebuild our relationships and for me to regain the trust I’d lost.

So, there I stood, staring down the holiday season with major decisions weighing on me and estranged relationships to repair, my job still in jeopardy… and the actual physical pregnancy too. It was a little like trying to stay balanced on shifting sand. Everything always changing …

But then, a wonderful moment in the midst of the sandy chaos … my 20 week ultrasound.

It was a Wednesday, the day before Thanksgiving and I’d invited both of my parents to join me – we needed a moment of “normal”; a moment of joy.

There are moments in my memory that I pray I never forget and seeing my first baby on the ultrasound monitor is one of those times. The baby was beautiful and perfect. The tech asked if I’d like to know the gender and on hearing my affirmative, told me that the baby was a girl. At which point, my dad (a father of four daughters) snorted and said “Another girl?! Ha! Just what I need!” in such a sarcastic way that I’m sure the tech thought he was the most sexist man in the world. But he couldn’t have known … this is just my dad … he cracks inappropriate jokes … some at the worst possible moments.

And so we laughed. And it felt wonderful. Dad was cracking dumb jokes, my mom was crying happy tears at the sight of the baby, and we were all normal in that moment.

But what do I do with the baby? Knowing that it was a girl and seeing the miracle of her on the ultrasound only made the decision ahead of me that much more complicated.

And though none of us knew it on that chilly, wonderful Wednesday, my parents were about to leave town for several months …

C2C: The Decking Out of the Tree

I will probably never have a magazine picture-worthy Christmas tree.  I just won’t and that’s okay because my tree is a tall, green memory.

When we were little, my mom would take us to the after Christmas sales and let each of us pick out a new ornament.  “Someday,” she’d say, “when you leave our house, you’ll take your box of ornaments with you and you’ll have something with which to decorate your own tree.”

Flash forward a couple decades and one old musty banker’s box sitting on the floor [For this is how most Christmas decorations are stored in the Poole house … numbered banker’s boxes that correspond to 3×5 index cards listing the contents … which might have something to do with my obsessive-compulsive organization tendencies … a post for another time … I digress … seriously … hey, is that a goldfish?] and the tree is decked in front of me.

There are small wooden hand-painted ornaments from early childhood (some picked out before I was born).  

My “baby’s first Christmas” globe.

Ornaments that remind me of all that is good (the Marshall Field’s Chicago clock, in case you can’t see it):

And now my own children’s firsts:

The thing I love the best about this tradition is that it’s a “pass me down and hand me off to the next generation” kind of a tradition (as many are, but there are some “blog about it sheepishly and hope it never comes up in conversation ever again” traditions like not having a Christmas tree for Christmas…I’m just sayin’ …).

What holiday decoration do you hope to pass on to your kids?

C2C: Chocolate Pretzels

The Easiest, Funnest, Kid-Friendliest Christmas Goodies: a photo recipe story.

Once upon a time, there was a leeeeeettle recipe.  …and it was good.  It was very, very good.  …and it was simple.  It was … okay, you see where I’m going with this, right?

Step One: Start with some Kisses or Hugs.
Step Two: grab yourself a bag of ROUND pretzels.
Step Three: Place the pretzels on a parchment-lined cookie sheet and put a chocolate in each ring. Place the tray in the oven (250 degrees) for a couple minutes (until chocolate is soft).
Step Four: M&Ms ...
Some product sampling may be necessary ...
The Grand Finale: Put one M&M in the center of each melted chocolate and pop the tray into the freezer for a second to re-harden the chocolate.

And they all lived happily ever after …

THE END. 

A Note From the Trenches

I received a message from a dear and wise sister in Christ seeking counsel (from several women) on balancing life after you have more than one child.  I deliberated for way too long and finally wrote this morning.  I decided to repost some of my motherly musings here as well.

These are a few of the practical things that have helped me in life with multiple children.  They are numbered, but that doesn’t necessarily indicate their significance … just the order in which they came out of my head.

1) CHANGE IN ROUTINE AND HOUSEKEEPING

Start wrapping your mind around a smaller routine and possibly a less clean house.   This sounds a little harsh, but the load and time needed for each task increases exponentially with each child.  Getting anything done (including getting dressed!) is a MAJOR accomplishment and should be celebrated as such. 🙂

2)  MENU PLAN

If you don’t menu plan, consider trying it. Eliminating the “What’s for dinner?” stress is big, especially if  you have a little, little one (late afternoon/evening is often a really crabby time of day).


3) CROCKPOT

Crockpot.  ‘nuf said. 🙂  I don’t know how people feel about soups/stews, etc, but I find myself using my crockpot a lo-hot these days. I fix it while Chase takes his morning nap and Aidan and Darcy either play or watch a DVD.  That way, no matter what turn my day takes, there’s a real dinner.

4) ACCOUNTABILITY

Seek accountability regarding time in the Word. It seems crazy to even consider a Bible study or an accountability group at this point in life, but I can’t think of a time when I’ve needed the Lord more than I do right now — and needed the knowledge that other women are waiting to hear what the Lord is teaching me from the Word.  [wonderful, amazing idea: check out the Good Morning Girls concept here! ]

5) MOMMY FELLOWSHIP

Find other moms. Whether through your church or in your neighborhood, avail yourself of fellowship times and play dates.  I don’t know about you, but it is always such an encouragement for me to talk with other moms and realize that what I’m going through is what we all go through.  It’s also a great and practical way to pick up advice and parenting tips.

6)  MOMMY TIME

If your husband’s work schedule allows, plan for “Mommy Time”. This can be as often as once a week, or as little as once a month — just get away!  Have your hubby watch the kids, and even if it’s only 60 minutes in-between a baby’s feedings, do some grocery shopping, grab your Bible study and head to the local Starbuck’s, even take a walk or run!
7)  BEWARE OF SOCIAL NETWORKING SITES & BLOGS

Say what?  You’re posting a blog in which you tell people to ignore/beware Facebook and blogs?!  Yep!  Facebook and the like can be a great networking tool, but I feel that, all too often, I’m found wanting when I read what other people are doing.  There are a few truly blessed super women that I know, but speaking from personal experience, it’s really easy to post the great recipes or exciting things I’m doing with my kids … what people CAN’T see (thank you, Jesus!) is that it’s 10:00AM and I’m still in my old sweatpants, oh, and I think my carpet is growing things because it hasn’t been cleaned in … I forget how long…  These venues of communication can too often easily encourage the good, but not always the REAL.  …well, or rather, the real, but not always the whole picture.

Beyond the practical points —
Entrust your days and even moments to the Lord. What you’re doing as a mom is the most noble thing. Never lose sight of the daily opportunity we’re given to point our children to the cross. If you tell your kids about Jesus and His love, if you discipline them wisely and train them with every ounce you’ve got, well then, it matters not one bit if you’re still in PJs at the end of the day and eating PBJ sandwiches for dinner.

Signed,  Another Mom In the Trenches

** I’d love to hear from other moms!  What are practical and biblical things that keep you going as you parent??**

If four year olds could vote …

This past Saturday, I took the kids to Starbuck’s while Bob was at a men’s conference.  While sitting in the “comfy chairs” sipping our organic milks and americanos [guess who had which one!], Darcy suddenly turned to me and asked: “Hey Mom, do you think Barack Obama likes to read magazines?”

When I was a kid, we wrote to the president all the time.  I still have their letters and pictures somewhere — Reagan, Bush, Clinton — I think it may be time for Darcy’s first letter.   And I’m rather glad she has a few more years ’til she can vote!

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