Category: Family

Raising Encouragers In An Atypical Life

ENCOURAGEMENT: /noun/ the action of giving someone support, confidence, or hope.

Giving support to others not only requires mental and emotional energy, but also and often a shade of vulnerability. I have to open myself up to help someone else. And this aspect of living in community, well, it can get complicated when I’m heartsick and weary. How can I possibly care for someone else when I feel in shreds…when my family feels shredded and resourceless? I suppose I expect to care and serve others out of my own excess of peace or joy. So how do I give joy when I don’t feel it in my life…when there is seemingly no excess? And how on earth do I teach my kids joy in the atypical?

I worry for the other three all the time: how will Chase’s cancer diagnosis harm them? How has all of this defined them or broken them? …perhaps even in ways we can’t see or won’t know until they’re adults themselves? (2:00AM thoughts that push the ‘panic’ button)

Will they struggle with what to believe? …with who and how to love? …with their life purpose? And how many of these struggles will they be able to pinpoint the birth of in a sibling’s terminal illness, subsequent struggles, and the too-often mentally, emotionally, or physically absent parents who should have been at their sides.

I want to fix all of these things before I even confirm their brokenness. I want to pre-empt all the pain and cushion it. And I acknowledge in my heart and even as I see with my own eyes that it often isn’t the big moment kicking in the teeth of their precious hearts, but the little one. If L-O-V-E is truly T-I-M-E, then it really is a moment by moment fight for the good to win through all the pain and craziness.

And here’s what I’ve found: there is so much I can’t take away from them, but there are things I can give them – almost like tools to build or weapons to war. Because life may be atypical, but it can still be incredible – it may not always be “good”, but it can still be right.

“Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ.” Galations 6:2 NLT

Share.

Obey.

We were created for this. Despite the vulnerability and pain, we survive as we share the ups and downs of life with each other.

What does this concept look like in a feet-on-the-ground, eyes-open-wide way ? And what does it especially look like when the burden is a life shadowed by complicated illness and the burden carriers are little children?

FaceTime in the hospital

Notice Others: A huge part of developing encouragers is fostering awareness of those around you. Go around the dinner table and have each person say something they like or appreciate about the person to their left. This makes us have to consciously consider the good in others, and as we see this, we often see their hard things to comfort too.

Seek To Relate: “Do to others as you would like them to do to you. (Luke 6:31 NLT) This goes one step deeper than just seeing the person next to you. Actually try and put yourself into someone else’s shoes. Try to feel what they feel. This can be complex and even offensive in painful moments, but painfully easy and wonderful in life’s joy moments. And perhaps, there will be a fantastic and interesting discussion as you tie what your kids know and feel to what someone else close to them might know and feel.

Be Authentic: There are few things that can’t be worked through by talking to each other honestly and openly. If we genuinely don’t know what to say, I believe it’s okay to express that inept or powerless feeling and talk it through. This is often the most vulnerable moment, but also the most rewarding for in opening my heart, I invite the other person to open their heart as well.

Celebrate Victories:  Some victories will look like winning and others will be simply refusing to let the darkness, weariness, stress, or anger in. To feel the pull of pain, to deny it, and to choose joy or hope instead is a staggering victory and should be celebrated as such. (These moments aren’t always deep and nuanced. For some people in our family, this is as simple as forcing themselves out of bed the morning after a long day in the hospital.)

Just Stop: Sometimes I just have to stop and sit. Gather up my precious babies onto my lap, or under my arm, kiss their heads and tell them I love them. We cover ourselves with a blanket and just snuggle for a bit. Then, I breathe deep and say it aloud: “You guys, let’s just take a minute.” Because nothing tears at the heart and mind like constant, unabated stress and sometimes, miraculously, the petty fights and little hurts resolve themselves as we breathe deeply and remember love, not hate.

Just Go: Yes, sometimes we need to stop and breathe. However, other times, we need to get up and go. Hang the schedule and the clean house or the project that’s still not done… just go for a walk together, go to the park together. Or, even better, go check in on a neighbor, take popsicles to someone who just had surgery, take coffee to Daddy at work… These small things, especially the things that allow us to serve others are a constant, tangible reminder that we were not created to function in a void and that our personal pain, stress and hardships do not comprise the only story in the world. Breaking down the boundaries, meshing with others, reaching out – all of it – is like water on the tender growth of sensitivity.

Orchestra concert cheerleader

And dear ones, I hate writing list points because it feels like accomplishments checked off and won. The truth is: we are broken. We fail at these ALL the time, scratching each others’ eyes out with our words and our selfish hearts just as often as we hug and bind with joy. But I’m writing these things down all the same because I need to remember, and maybe, just maybe, you’ll find something encouraging here too. You are loved.

Moment by moment.

“All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.” 2 Corinthians 1:4

 

There Is Food In My Armpit And God Is A Boy

The year 2016 has less than a dozen hours left in it.  What an intense season it has been!

This year has seen us through many, many things and all along the way we’ve prayed for the strength to choose joy. To that end -the joy part, or in this case, the hysterical laugh-until-you-cry part- I’ve compiled a series of actual status updates and quotes from social media; all of which were posted in 2016.  I chronicle these things (and have done so for some years) because life is too short and childhood is even shorter and there are too many parenting moments when we’re faced with the choice of either laughing or melting into a puddle of tears — so, as much as possible, we choose to laugh. We’ve asked you to walk many hard things with us, so, for a brief moment, as we close this extraordinary year, enjoy our “normal“…

Note: due to the household including the addition of three boys in approximately three years, an abnormally large amount of the quotes have to do with bodily functions or bathrooms.  Consider yourself warned.

  1. Can I pwease use this wike a helmet? It’s probably okay that I cannot see.”

2. Me: “Don’t throw in the house, Chase.”
Chase: “But Daddy taught me how to do it so nothing breaks!”#LifeWithFather

3. “Can we go around the table and say what we are thankful for? I think Aidan is thankful that I kicked his butt today.”

4. “But I couldn’t cover my burp while I was tooting! I cannot do two things at once.”

5. “But why do I have to take my fingers out of my nose?”

6. “I don’t care what he did, you don’t yell ‘Victory is mine!’ and throw something across the table.”

7. “Thank you for being quiet while Daddy and I were talking. No, you may not have ten dollars or a cookie.”

8. Yesterday, I convinced Karsten that I have eyes in the back of my head.
Now, he only wants to stand in front of me so that I “can’t see him”.
Four-year-old boys are the BEST. #LifeWithBoys

9. Life lessons with the Ewoldt boys: your underwear is not an acceptable storage area for Legos. #NotScholarshipMaterial

10. Today’s life lesson: No snowball fights in the house. #LifeWithBoys

11. When the answer to “Where’s your baby brother, Aidan?” is “Well, um, he missed me so much while I was at school, so I locked him in the coat closet”, you know it’s going to be a *fun* evening. #BandOfBrothers

12. Karsten: “Crackers.”
Me [searching for the appropriate “please”]: “Crackers . . . what??”
Karsten [deep in thought]: “Crackers . . . and a banana?”
#EmilyPostIsDead #FacePalm

13. “Well, they can’t brush their teeth right now because I put all the toothbrushes down the laundry shoot.” #LifeWithBoys

14. “But he accidentally stepped on my toe, so I thought it was okay to bite his ear.” #LifeWithBoys

15. But I’m not getting food with the same hand I used to pick my nose…why are you being so angry about it?”

16. “But I don’t want a hug . . . can’t you please just fix the TV?”

17. Aidan has discovered air quotes. As in ‘Girls do “everything”, and ‘Girls are “awesome”. Feeling the love. #GrammarSlapped

18. “Oh yeah, well God’s a boy, so we win. Ha.” – Aidan #LifeWithBoys #TheologyFTW

19. Often informed “If I leave it, than you can clean up, Mom.” It’s all coming together now… #NeedARaise

20. “I don’t really need help with my homework. I just need you to tell me some answers…for some…*stuff*.” – Ewoldt child, future politician

21. Aidan is making a map of his room for a school project. He asked me how many baskets of dirty laundry he should include in the key. #SOproud

22. “Mom, this is a ‘Boy-inator’. It takes everything gross like girls and turns them into boys. Because we’re awesome.”

23. “I’m just eating and punching people. Um…I mean…I’m just eating.” #LifeWithBoys #PointsForHonesty

24. Coffee. Brought to you by sons who found whistles and declared themselves a marching band before 7AM. #LifeWithBoys 

25. How dinner usually starts in our house: “First of all, I’d like to thank the boys for wearing clothes to the table….” #LifeWithBoys

26. “Well, um, you bought us the toys, so isn’t it really YOUR job to clean them up?” – Child who’d spend the rest of his life being grounded

27. A typical response to learning helpfulness in the kitchen: “Get the cereal? GET THE CEREAL?! Am I your SERVANT NOW?” #LifeWithBoys

28. When you ask where he left his gloves and are informed matter-of-factly that they’re outside in the mailbox. #LifeWithBoys

29. Sadly, the young artist’s career was tragically cut short, as was his sister’s nail polish supply…  

30. Sometimes motherhood means calmly accepting the highly improbable: “Mom, can you help me get my blanket? It accidentally fell out the window and into the snow. Because the window was open…um, on accident. For real.” #LifeWithBoys

31. “This week in art, we got to use ‘oil pistols’ to paint. It was a paint, but had the name of a gun – so cool!” #LifeWithBoys #FamilyFriday

32. “Well, I just spitted on he’s face by accident!” #LifeWithBoys #FamilyFriday

33. “Mom, want to play this new game with me? It’s called ‘Throw Cheese Sticks’!” #LifeWithBoys

34. “Karsten, I’m sorry. And this time, I actually mean it.” #LifeWithBoys#PointsForHonesty

35. “Mom, this spring break, I’m going to write a short story. It’s called: ‘The Boy Who Had A Sister’. Also, how do you spell ‘annoying’??” #FutureBestSeller

36. “I couldn’t get out the door because it said ‘PUSH’ and I was pulling it really hard.” #SchoolForTheGifted

37. The sentence that never ends well: “Hey, Mom, remember that time Grandpa taught us to…” #TheQuoteableEdPoole #Family

38. “Well, um, I remembered that you told me not to touch the egg cooker when it was on, so I was trying to listen to it…and that’s how I burned my face.” #GeniusHurts 

 

39. Here in this house, we encourage thoughtful, peaceful conflict resolution:
Boy 1: “You can’t do that!”
Boy 2: “Yes I can, because I’m the captain… [thinks for a minute]… and the commander [thinks for another minute]…and I can take away your gravity!” #LifeWithBoys #NotScholarshipMaterial

40. [indignant tone] “I’m not playing BY the ironing board. I’m playing ON the ironing board.” #PrepositionalFAIL #LifeWithBoys

41. The love/hate relationship with “boy logic” continues: “Well, I just punched him in the foot because he wouldn’t forgive me!!” #LifeWithBoys

42. “Mom! You love the eye drops so much that you should probably just MARRY THEM! This is why boys are better than girls…because they DON’T! LOVE! EYE DROPS!”
Yeah, so the whole post-surgery eye care things is going super well.  #LifeWithChase #ItsANeuroLife

43. “Hey, Mom, I found some food that had been left out downstairs and I licked it and it didn’t taste gross, so I ate it, okay?” #LifeWithBoys

44. Parenting requires so much thinking!
But sometimes, you get that one, awesome, incredible, no-brainer to answer.
And yet, it’s hard to be thankful for it, all things considered:
“Hey Mom, can I close my eyes and run when we cross the street?”
#LifeWithBoys #NotScholarshipMaterial

45. “I am NOT being bossy! I’m just SHOUTING because they won’t let me be in charge of EVERYTHING!!” -Chase #MyFighter #LifeWithChase

46. Me: Who can tell me what they learned today? Chase: [shoots hand in the air] OH! ME! I learned ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!! #TheLunchSpecial

47. “Mom! If you don’t give me another turkey sandwich, I’m going to scare you with my forehead!” #TheLunchSpecial #TooLateKid

48. Me: Here’s your sandwich. What do you say?
Child: Um, you need a haircut?
Me: Try again…What do you say?
Child: Um, THANK YOU. …and you need a haircut?
#LifeWithBoys #GoBigOrGoHome

49. “But Mom, you say violence is never an option — And I only threw him! That’s non-violent!” #LifeWithBoys

50. Me: “Repeat after me…’Mom, I will not slam doors in the house’.”
Small boy: “Mom, I will not kick down doors in the house.”
Me: “Son, that’s not what I said…”
Small boy: “I know, but it was a good one, right?”
#ReadMyLips

51. Sometimes, the word “it” is the scariest word in the English language…
Me: “What is that noise? Stop it right now!”
Small Boy: “Okay, Mom! Sorry! I was just pounding holes into it!!”
[…..]
#LifeWithBoys

52. “Well, see, I meant to clean up all the toys. But then I didn’t. I dumped them all out instead. And it probably isn’t my fault.” #TheArtOfTheDodge

53. “But Mom, it was only a plastic knife in my mouth and I wasn’t riding even my bike all that fast…” #LifeWithBoys #LogicFail

54. That minute you look outside to see your child taking the garden hose… to the neighbor’s house. #LifeWithBoys

55. Sometimes being the youngest is challenging…
And by “challenging”, I mean “occasionally your marketing-challenged older brother sticks a sign on you and tries to sell you”… Sort of…
#LifeWithBoys #Brothers 

56. Apparently, I’ve never specifically stated that you are NOT to lick a leaking glow stick.
In somewhat related news, I’m now using Google to see if ingested glow sticks are toxic.
#LifeWithBoys

57. Other things I’ve apparently never specifically stated? Don’t lick the stamp pad. Wow, they’re on a roll… #LifeWithBoys

58. There’s nothing like a good vote of parental confidence…
Chase: “Mom, where’s Grandma?”
Me: “She’s out running an errand. Why?”
Chase: “She’s gone?! But, who’s in charge?”
Me: “Um, I am.”
Chase [looking extremely dubious]: “Are you sure?”

59. “Mom, my teacher gave me a butterfly net for summer break, but I want you to know I will not use it ‘mis-appropriately’. okay?” #FamousLastWords #LifeWithBoys

60. “Just to clarify, we don’t lock each other out of the house in our pajamas…” #LifeWithBoys #SummerBreak

61. Karsten: “Mom! Aidan gave me chicken pox with his markers!!”
Aidan: “Mom! It wasn’t my fault! He said he wanted a makeover!”
#LifeWithBoys 

62. “But I wasn’t actually going to THROW the water balloons in the house!” #LifeWithBoys #Semantics

63. Fact: nobody negotiates like the child with older siblings.
Karsten: “What do I get if I shower?”
Me: “You get my undying gratitude.”
Karsten: [blink, blink…]
Karsten: “Um…I meant something like M&Ms…”

64. “Mom, Darcy won’t let me play with her toys. I think we just need a new sister in this house.” #SisterExchangeProgram #LifeWithBoys

65. “But we’re just FAKE punching each other…” #LifeWithBoys

66. “Ma’am, you awe undew awwest.” #HowWeSummer #KillTheWabbit#WifeWithBoys 

67. Small children. Endless energy supply. Logic sold separately. #LifeWithBoys 

68. “Well, I probably cannot help clean up because there’s no gravity.” Just when I thought I’d heard them all… #LifeWithBoys #CaptainHypothesisToTheRescue

69. “Mom, I’m pwobable to be awwested. You should know this.” -Karsten, age 4
#ConsideringMyselfWarned #LifeWithBoys

70. “Mom, Dad, I’ve decided to grow up and be the next Einstein…the next major genius. I just thought you should know.” – Aidan, age 7, walks into walls #ConsideringMyselfWarned #LifeWithBoys

71. “But I said ‘excuse me’ while I was kicking him in the head, Mom …really!!” #LifeWithBoys

72. “Mom, I think we are a family of superheroes. …Even you and Dad because you could be Wonder Woman and Dad could be Batman. And I don’t want you to take this the wrong way… You’re kind of too fat to be Wonder Woman right now, but it’s okay, because we could make one of your super powers the ability to get thin, and then it’d be great. See?” – Aidan “Self Esteem” Ewoldt, age 7…possibly not getting to age 8

73. Overheard: “No Chase, don’t jump OVER me! You’re supposed to jump ON me.”
Fingers crossed that we stay out of the ER tonight.
#LifeWithBoys #LogicSoldSeparately

74. He stumbled out of bed, grabbed a banana, and has been clasping it to his ear, saying “Please hold” ever since. Hope your Friday is off to a better start than Karsten’s…

75. [low electric humming noise coming from behind the closed door] “Um, son? Do you have your light saber in the bathroom with you?” #LifeWithBoys

76. “Mom, do we have any parachutes? I’m just wondering…” #LifeWithBoys

77. [series of crashes] “Mom! We invented a new game! It’s called ‘Stair-Sled-Hockey-With-Pillows’!!” #LifeWithBoys #IsThereADoctorInTheHouse

78. Aidan is sitting in church designing a birthday card for his brother. I sense an awkward conversation in our future.

79. And now it’s time for “Your Daily Dose of Parental Self Esteem”…
[shouted across Target] “Mom! You paid $16.65. Do you know what happened in the year 1665? Because if you don’t, you REALLY need to go back to school. Like, I mean… REALLY.”

80. “Aidan and I talked about it and now, he’s my butler and I will call him ‘butler’ and tell him to do things.” -Karsten Robert Tyrant Ewoldt

81. Home-From-School-Sick-Aidan is the best: “Do you want to see some magic?” [holds up a coin] “Watch! Disappeared!!” [sound of coin hitting the floor] “Well, wait…it might have gone down my pants.” [spinning in circles] “Did it go down my pants? I can’t see it…where did it go?” Ta-da. #NotScholarshipMaterial

82. More magic with Home-From-School-Sick-Aidan: [holds out three Pokemon cards – face down] “Mom, pick a card…any card! …but wait, not the middle one.” [I pick the one on the right] “Good. Now put it right back where you took it out.” [I comply] “Good. Now… [picks the card in the middle] was THIS your card?” [I shake my head] “Oh. Wait. [holds up the three cards – all of which are the same] I forgot which cards I put in! Okay. Never mind, Mom.” Ta-Da. #NotSholarshipMaterial

83. “Mom? Can you Google ‘How To Accidentally, On-Purpose Annoy Your Dad”?? #LifeWithKids

84. “Just relax…and don’t look at Mom. If you don’t look at her, you might not get in trouble. Stay cool.” #BrotherlyAdvice

85. Waking to “The Imperial March” played on a kazoo… Just another average day. #LifeWithBoys

86. Conflict resolution done Ewoldt-style [nose-to-nose scream]: “YOU NEED TO LEARN TO CONTROL YOUR ANGER, MR. POOP HEAD!!! So nice to know the parenting is working… Sort of.

87. “Is it too late to change my answer to ’no’ – no, I won’t clean up the basement??” -Child who doesn’t want to see his next birthday

88. “Mom, um, do we have baking soda and vinegar? It’s for, um…an experiment… Don’t worry.” #LifeWithBoys

89. “I’d like to make this clear, Mom. Today, I cannot speak Spanish.” -Aidan “Captain Obvious” Ewoldt

90. “Someday I’d like to jump out of a helicopter, without a parachute…and also without dying.” -Aidan R.I.P. Ewoldt #LifeGoals #LifeWithBoys

91. “What was that crash?”

“Don’t worry! We are playing baseball!”

“In the family room..?? I’ve told you not to play baseball in the house before!”

“We know! That’s why we’re using Chase’s knight sword and a tennis ball!!”

#WorldSerious #NotScholarshipMaterial

92. “What have I told you about not consigning your siblings to Davy Jones’ Locker?” #LifeWithBoys #KidsOfNerds #NotEnoughCoffee

93. “[death grip] YOU…[punch] CAN’T…[jab] TACKLE…[slap] GIRLS…!! [punch]” #SisterFail #WhoRunTheWorld

94. “When I grow up, I’m going to join the school orchestra… And I’m going to play the banjo!!” #NotScholarshipMaterial

95. First day of Thanksgiving vacation and the boys are attempting to watch “Planes: Fire and Rescue”…in FRENCH.
[giggle, giggle] “Chase, next, let’s see if we can watch it in IRISH!”
#NotScholarshipMaterial

96. So, overall, I think the morning is going pretty well… #ThanksgivingBreak#StateOfTheDisunion #LifeWithBoys 

97. “Chase, that’s IT! I’m putting you in a box and sending you to AFRICA!” -Aidan #ThanksgivingBreak #StateOfTheDisUnion #LifeWithBoys

98. Grandma: “And then…we have an edible craft!”

Aidan: “Oh! Oh! Is it papier-mâché turkeys?!”
…

May your Thanksgiving be smarter than ours… #NotScholarshipMaterial

99. Hmmm… So, when I said “Put the condiments in the fridge”, you heard…?
#LifeWithBoys 

100. “Mom, Darcy put toothpaste in my peanut butter sandwich!”
Well, *that* was unexpected…
#HerFathersDaughter

101. “Would you like a cup of tea? There are no bombs inside, I promise.”
#TeaPartiesWithBoys

102. Overheard this morning: “First you get a knife, and then…wait, Karsten, don’t try this at home, okay?”
#LifeWithChase #FearlessFighter

103. Store clerk: “You you go, little boy. This is for you.” [holds out a blank gift card]
Me: “How kind! Karsten, what do you say?”
Karsten: [pauses to look up at the clerk contemplatively] “Thank you. …and I’m sorry for farting in your store.”
…
…
If you need me, I’ll be in the fetal position for the next 20 years.
#LifeWithBoys

104. “Mom, I want you to know that even though we don’t, um, really know what ‘be careful’ means, we are, um, being careful.” #LifeWithBoys #TrueLove

105. “Yes, but why would you WANT to put food in your armpit?” #LifeWithBoys #LifeGoals

 

Oh 2016…

You’ve held us high and thrown us low, but to this we cling:

“Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3:13-14

~ Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year ~

With Love

Bob, Ellie, Darcy, Aidan, Chase, and Karsten Ewoldt

 

In Which Chase Discovers His Mic

15135839_706305769522130_5771518274740952206_n

During a recent event at Macy’s historic Walnut Room (which is a story for another blog entirely…), our family had the pleasure of meeting Jon Hansen, a news correspondent and host on Chicago’s WCIU.

Our children immediately fell in love with his energy and joy, and so, when Jon invited Chase and me to come to the west loop to record for his current events show, we were thrilled to join him.

It was a joy to talk about Chase’s cancer story, finding hope, amazing organizations, and other things that you hear me say all the time, but in truth, the best and funniest part – the show stealing element – was, of course, Chase himself. Keeping track of yourself in front of a television camera is one thing…keeping track of a squirrelly six-year-old who just discovered his mic is another thing entirely. 🙂

Enjoy!

Interview link: http://www.wciu.com/videos/chi/nowchicago-chicago-charities

~MbM~

74 Days And A Really Special Room

Somehow, 74 days have passed since I last wrote here…

There have been so many things I’d like to share with you, but I’ve let the words get swept into life business. Each weekend, I’d think “This next week, I’ll start again…” and each week would slip by while I thought of this site like a long lost friend I’ve been meaning to call.

To start with, I want to share with you how we moved out of our house for a few days to allow the Ace Hardware Foundation, Children’s Miracle Network Hospitals, and Ann & Robert H. Lurie Children’s Hospital of Chicago to move in…and remodel our family room.

15134599_706649942821046_176189798185266393_n
Chase deals with moving things out of the living space…

Change of any kind is especially challenging for a child like Chase, but he weathered it nicely and wow, the look on his face when he saw the re-made room… WORTH IT.

 

 

 

 

 

 

We are so blessed!

Enjoy!

~MbM~

Our most humble thanks to Lou Manfredini of HouseSmarts TV, design ninja Nathan Fischer, and the Buikema’s Ace Hardware employees who put together this amazing gift.

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