The Story of 2014

Once there was a family of six: a handsome father, a redhead mother, a sole princess girl, and three little wrestling and running boys.

The handsome father, he worked in two places – one a large company, the other a church.  In both places, he worked with numbers… lots and lots of numbers.  In the free moments, you would find him completing a half marathon, quiet with a book, or very lately, working in his new garage.

The redhead mother spent the days holding the pieces together… pieces of laundry and food and school and sometimes, yes sometimes, even silence.

The sole princess girl, just a second ago a babe in arms, was suddenly eight and tall, and already a fast runner.  She was never so happy as when she was running… just like her father.

The oldest of the wrestling boys was five, nearly six, and started wearing glasses to see, which made him look wise.  He began the school journey and stretched his legs at running to try and beat his sister, and if he could, would choose to be buried under a gigantic mound of Legos forever.

The middle boy, with his lightning scar and white head, also began his school journey, but with special help and the fulfillment of his special wish… to ride a bus.  He continued, at every turn, to live up to his name and found his way through life in a never-stopping, never-settling way.

The baby boy, a baby no more, stood nearly as tall as the middle boy, with wide shoulders and stance that spoke of having older brothers and being ready and willing to throw the first punch.  And yet, he would sit quietly with a book for the longest time and everywhere he went, he looked for horses.

This family of six were wanderers.  They left their tiny space when the word “cancer” was first spoken and lived with grandparents for help as two years came and went.  They decided to sell their tiny space and pray for more room close to everything held dear, and the tiny space almost sold three times and they prayed for wisdom to know… and then the tiny space, their first little home, sold and they were led to the perfect little blue house near everything held dear and so, wanderers no more, they moved and settled in the early Fall as the leaves began to change.

And in the first hours of owning the little blue house, the call came that something was growing again under the lightning scar in the white head… and the family stopped and prayed for moment-by-moment grace to find the joy in the every day as they waited six weeks and checked again, and then six more and again.

And by the time this story rests in your hands, another check will have come and gone and a course of action will stand in front of the family.  But they put aside the fear and in grace, choose faith and yes, even joy for their family and their boy, and the root of it is found in this season and in another little boy, born thousands of years earlier.  This stable-born boy would grow to be the Savior and Lord and, bloodied arms stretched wide, would triumph over sin forever and ever, and make a way for death to have no victory or sting, and in this boy-turned-forever-King, there was and is hope and joy, and in this the family of six, in their little blue house, rests secure.  They hope and pray the same for you.

[This is the text of the Ewoldt Family Christmas letter that was mailed in early December, 2014 – Thank you for walking this year with us…moment by moment.]

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He Is Enough

Finally, a Christmas season with no new.  No new babies that leave you lucky to get completely dressed each day, let alone decorate a house for Christmas.  No new and scary cancer diagnosis that sends you reeling so that you can hardly think straight, let alone prepare for the holidays.

This.  This would be the year we would do.  Do lights and trees and the Christmas market and start new traditions.  Each day would be beautiful and weighed down and slowed down in some way to specially mark the Advent and keep the Heart of our celebration at the front of our minds.  …and our adventures and travels would all look so pretty under the light of an Instagram filter.
And then everybody got sick.
And Chase’s counts dropped for two weeks in a row with no explanation.
And I found myself lying face in the snow as my bruised brain reminded me that what I’d set out to do hadn’t been a good idea.
And then came the CT scan and the ER conversation about how to treat concussions.
And then I watched the Christmas season pass me by.
The cards only half done, the Christmas market abandoned, the traditions would have to wait.
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Lying flat on the couch by the tree, tears streamed down my face as I struggled to let it go.  I had attached my heart to these things we would do.  I would be a good parent for them; a good Christian for them.  These things are what would make this time special and holy.  Because we need special.  You see, for any of us, healthy or not, this could be our last Christmas, but somehow, with the cancer, the dark cloud of “the last” looms greater and closer.  This Christmas must count because it could be the last one we’re all here together.  What if…
I have continued to wrestle against this concussion, pushing for health because we’re losing precious days.
It wasn’t until yesterday, eight days into the wrestle, as I sat under the tree, feeling bitterly disappointed to miss another Advent Sunday, that the still of my heart was stirred.
God is enough.  
My worship doesn’t need anything, not even the beauty and pageantry of Christmas in my beloved church.  My ability to guide my children through this season is not based on events and outings.  No, He who took on our broken, wretched skin, He and He alone is enough.
This does not come easily to me.  I so often want to dress Him up and observe Him in a way that makes me feel special.   How silly and foolish a thing to do – and it took a concussion to strip it away and show it up.
So the Christmas cards may not get sent, but He is enough.
The new traditions may not get made, but He is enough.
The old traditions may not be kept, but He is enough.
This may well be the last Christmas…but HE IS ENOUGH.
I don’t need anything else.
Moment by moment.

The End Of A Season

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Day 7 in the chemo cycle: Chase is well enough to have moments of great energy, but fragile enough to need rest and protection.  He couldn’t go to church with the  siblings, so, still in his pajamas, bundled in a brother’s fleece (because it reminds him of Shaun the Sheep) and an aunt’s hat, we walked a few minutes in the cool, crisp morning.

As the leaves crunched under our feet and dew glistened on the leaves, I saw again the beauty in this end of a season…

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Sovereign in my greatest joy, sovereign in my deepest cry…

With me in the dark, with me at the dawn…

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In Your everlasting arms, all the pieces of my life from beginning to the end…

I can trust you.

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In your never failing love, You work everything for good…

God, whatever comes my way, I will trust you.*

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Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.    Joshua 1:9

The End of a Season
The End of a Season

Lyrics: Chris Tomlin, “Sovereign”

 

On Contentment

From my husband Bob (also posted on his Brevis blog) ~

Christians struggle with contentment.  I struggle with contentment.  I’m ambitious, driven, and competitive by nature, so I struggle to take time off or slow down, and am always looking for something better.  When I miss a goal, I mope; when I start a project, I’m already looking on to the next thing that I want to do.  I hate to get stuck in a rut.  These tendencies have led me to think about contentment, and being satisfied in Christ alone.

What is contentment?  Is contentment the opposite of ambition?  Can someone be ambitious and be content at the same time? How are joy and contentment related?  Can you make it a goal to be more content?  How does one practice contentment?

Contentment Defined
Hebrews 13:5 says, “Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have.”  It seems like there is a link between money and contentment.  And, when I say there’s a link, I mean a reverse correlation: the more money you have, the less content you are.

John MacArthur goes so far as to say that most Americans don’t experience contentment because we are a rich society:

“Most Christians don’t experience it, obviously, to the degree that God desires us to. We tend to be a very discontent people. And I have this sort of personal theory that the more you have the more discontent you become. If that is true, then this must be one of the most discontent societies in the history of the human race. We are called to contentment. We are called to be satisfied. We are called to say I have enough. Most of us don’t experience that. Paul did. Paul was a satisfied man. He was a contented man.”

Jeremiah Burroughs defines contentment this way: “Christian contentment is that sweet, inward, quiet, gracious frame of spirit, which freely submits to and delights in God’s wise and fatherly disposal in every condition.”

Sinclair Ferguson says that “contentment is the direct fruit of having no higher ambition than to belong to the Lord, at His disposal.”

The Opposite of Contentment
The opposite of contentment is covetousness.  When we desire something so much that we lose our contentment in God, we elevate that worldly object above God, and place it as an idol over him.  When we grumble to God that he hasn’t given us the perfect job, or the perfect family, we show ourselves to be discontent.

My study of contentment led me to a small study of covetousness.  In his sermon, “Battling the Unbelief of Covetousness,” John Piper states that “the opposite of covetousness is contentment in God.”

Have you ever found yourself wanting something other than what you have?  Have you looked at your neighbor’s house, and said to yourself, “Wouldn’t it be nice to have that house?”  Or, have you looked at your job and thought, “I really don’t like my job… if only I could be a _______, then I would be happy”?

Christians battle covetous thoughts every day, myself included.  There have been many times when I’ve thought that the grass might be greener on the other side of the causeway.  There have been times when I’ve gotten down on myself in each of the following things:

  • My job—could I be doing something that I enjoy more?
  • Living in a condo, instead of a house
  • Driving 10 year old cars, instead of 5 year old cars (or new cars)
  • My income
  • My kids (why on EARTH can’t they be well-behaved like the Bauer kids??)
  • My lifestyle
  • My physique (though there’s really nothing to complain about here… I’m pretty ripped J)
  • My wife

Practicing Contentment
The phrase “practicing contentment” seems a little bit ironic.  One can be discontent with their discontentedness, and then make a goal to practice being content more often.

Practically, how do Christians practice being content?  We live in the most discontent culture in the world, and we’re called to be content in the midst of it.  That’s kind of weird (see my past post about being Weird as Christians).  Here are a couple of lessons that I gleaned from different sources as I read about contentment (most of these summary points are from John MacArthur):

  1. Contentment begins with confidence in God’s providence – believe in God’s sovereign control.
  2. Contentment involves knowing your own heart.  John Ryle says, “Few know their own sin; few feel their desert; and so few are content with such things as they have. Humility, self-knowledge, a clear sight of our own utter vileness and corruption, these are the true roots of contentment.”
  3. Contentment has an element of satisfaction with little.
  4. Contentment is living independently from circumstances, not letting yourself be swayed by your circumstances.
  5. Contentment is being sustained by a divine power – you can be strengthened by the Holy Spirit to be more content.
  6. Contentment has an element of being concerned with the well-being of others.

May we all know contentment, and be able to echo Paul when he says in Philippians 4: “I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.”