September.
The month second only to Chase’s diagnosis – when it becomes difficult to breathe in the days.
Childhood Cancer Awareness Month.
Do you know what it’s like to breathe in further awareness of something that already fills you like a heartbeat? Sometimes it’s like a refreshing rain that whispers, “See? You are not alone.” But other times, it’s like electricity sparking on frayed ends, a painful, grating thing that rasps, “See? You are not alone.”
Over the last several weeks, I’ve felt this month creeping up on me slowly and with it nagging questions.
What now?
How do I put a different, new spin on the same old? — This that must feel so old to everyone but those of us who breathe it and live it like our beating hearts: The underfunding, the over-treating, the pictures engrained in forever memory of sobbing mothers holding their babies as the last of this earth air leaves tiny wasted bodies.
Why should you be more aware of childhood cancer than refugees, poverty, and starvation? Because it is my personal pain and therefore somehow worth your time, your energy, and your tears? I cannot be that callous. There are no hierarchies in pain, sorrow…loss.
The weeks of questions force me to dig deeper. If I am to write through this month of extra awareness with all it’s intensity – when all the stories and pictures come out and my social media feeds turn bright gold, I need to know it’s for a greater good. Awareness it’s own sake is good, but awareness that encourages and leads to action is better.
So, I want to dedicate this month to a greater good. No, more than that, I want to devote this month to a greater good.
Devote.
After prayer and what feels like endless thought, I’ve decided that as often as I write this month, it will be in devotion. It will be a cancer story or a piece that has spun out of the cancer, but it will be short and it will devote purpose to lesson, life, and glory. For truly, if there is no higher awareness outside us…if our painful stories aren’t held up to the light in search of beauty and redemption – why?
As a dear cancer mama often tells me, hope is always available and it is most certainly a choice.
So, in this month of awareness, I choose hope.
Hope for the children with cancer.
Hope for the weary mothers and the fathers with empty arms.
Hope in the promise that our stories are more than ourselves – they are pieces to reflect the Light.
Moment by moment.
September 1
“This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9
