“We have working hands.”
I grew up believing that the busy person is the most productive person and being still should not come until all the work is done. All of it.
How I love it … And how it kills me a little every day when I fall terribly far short of all that needs to be done.
One afternoon not long ago, I stood at the front window, looking out over the front yard. A small boy in his puffy blue winter coat and red Spider-Man hat methodically lifted chunks of snow and ice off the grass, stacking them neatly in a pile on the sidewalk.
My daily routine suggests that the kids should get off the school bus, unpack their back packs, do any necessary homework or house chores, and then we stop to take a breath. My joy is in the “getting it done”.
Whether it’s personality, brain injury, or both, Chase can’t always handle the constant movement and input that comes with my style of productivity. To him, it is a vicious bombardment. And in those times where his brain shuts down as my parental arrogance revs up, the two of us struggle over every single thing. My home becomes a battleground littered most pointedly with aborted teachable moments.
So, that afternoon, when he asked me if he could play outside after the bus pulled away, I could feel the struggle. I wanted him to come in and keep going. I wanted to be somewhere other than standing at the window watching to make sure he was safe and well. I didn’t want to be still. But I said yes.
This is one way Chase helps me.
Because of who he is and how he best functions, I am forced to weigh down the moments and consider each interaction so very carefully — even more than I do with my other children. (though in all fairness, I should do it with them as well)
Do I ask Chase to do something because it is right, or do I ask him to do something because it is right for me?
Productivity is wonderful, thoughtful dialogue and parent-child boundaries are so necessary, and there will always be moments when we’ll need to do battle, but that winter afternoon was not one. For my desire to say no stemmed not from his best interest, but from mine.
So I stood at the window with my tea, taking a deep breath and actually looking around me as I stepped out of the hurry for a time. And then he looked up at me and grinned and I could see that what had felt like a compromise to me had actually been a great victory.
Sometimes being still is the most active thing we can possibly do.
Moment by moment.
My stepdad (now just Dad 🙂 has been a part of my life since I was 4 yrs old. He was fresh out of serving 20 years in the Navy when he met and then married my mom….and that’s how I was taught when I was growing up. The Navy way…of course…the only way! Dad worked in his father’s awning shop since he was a young boy and entered the military when he was 16. He didn’t enjoy playtime and as one of 9 siblings, he certainly didn’t enjoy any quiet time! So he was conditioned to think that kids just get into trouble when they aren’t “doing” something all day so that’s how I was raised. Don’t get me wrong, I learned so many great things by having a dad that was very military-minded but as an adult, I always felt like I needed to be moving from task to task and if I sat and did nothing, I felt guilty…or worse, lazy! Even after my late-stage Lyme Disease diagnosis, I still continued to feel that guilt when body had shut down for the day…at 1 pm no less! I know it’s not by choice but I still feel lazy when a half day passes and things aren’t getting done. After reading this post, I started to think about how I need to start looking at my forced, “still” moments through a more positive lens. Maybe I should be looking at these “unproductive” blocks of time as a gift instead of feeling “ugh, I’m not going to get my laundry done today!” I think I’ll just relax my body & brain and who knows, maybe I’ll be presented with my own “grin” from time to time.
Another good lesson learned from the life of Mr. Chase!
Dearest Karla, so honored that my little struggle moment brought you to this place. Stillness is NOT WRONG. It is not lazy to be still – in fact, we are commanded to do it alongside the knowledge that HE IS GOD. Big hugs, dear one!