Ellie

Another Stone, Another Memory

“…When your children ask in time to come, ‘What do those stones mean to you?’ then you shall tell them …” Joshua 4:6

“…When your children ask in time to come, ‘What do those stones mean to you?’ then you shall tell them …” Joshua 4:6

Never tell God what you are and are not willing to do.

In the Christmas season of 2008, I told God that I (in no uncertain terms) would be happy to birth the baby boy I carried ANY day except for Sunday, December 7^th. My husband had a rather large Christmas concert scheduled for that day and was taking a rather large portion in it (conducting, soloing, etc, etc) … ie: the kind of thing at which he might be missed if he happened to be at the hospital instead.

December 7, 2008
12:07 AM: I looked at the glowing digits on my clock beside the bed. Really? Only midnight? Sighing, I decided that now was as good as any time to get up for one of what would undoubtedly be a hundred or so runs to the bathroom this night. As I stood up, I felt the now familiar tightening. Labor?! Are you kidding me, God? We talked about this! Maybe it’s false labor, early labor … something other than having-my-baby-today labor!

3:00 PM: Apparently this labor wasn’t false. However, it was slow, and knowing that there was much to do for the concert that night, I dressed in my holiday finest, and went to the church.

Sometime after 8:00 PM: Okay, now labor wasn’t quite so slow. The sounds of Handel’s “Hallelujah Chorus” wafted faintly into the library from the sanctuary – the final piece to this concert … It was done and it had been good. Thank you, God.

8:45 PM: Begging my husband to both drive faster and NOT hit every bump in the road.

9:00 PM: The charge nurse’s face in my vision: “Honey, if I sit you up to give you the epidural, the baby’s going to come out! You can do it! Just don’t push yet! The doctor is on his way.”

9:24 PM: A son is born. He is beautiful.

Dear Son, This is just one of many crazy and beautiful stories of God’s love for us/you that we will rehearse with you as you age.
Happy Second Birthday! Love, Mom

C2C: The Gift Label Tradition

Because it’s the first day of December, and because [in the great tradition of Ree Drummond] it’s Wednesday and we love you all, I give you …

The Countdown to Christmas! ..C2C. Numbers in descending order to the “Big Day”, etc, etc …

We’ll be coming to you from now through December 24^th with random memories, anecdotes, and yes, even family recipes from the holiday seasons of our growing up years. [way back in the dark ages of the ’80s]

So, sit back, grab a hot cocoa or peppermint mocha, and enjoy!

Today’s treat is a tradition from the Poole family archives. Disclaimer: this was cooked up in the brain of one Ed Poole (my esteemed father).

GIFT LABELS

We all know how it’s done …

To: So-and-so [insert name of someone “worthy” of a gift in your life]

From: Me [insert your name; the super cool gift-bestower]

Nice.

And yet, in the Poole household (to this very day), we tamper with this most traditional of traditions!

Oh, we still put the name of the recipient in it’s proper place, but the “From” category is where the wheels come off the wagon … or, as we choose to see it, the genius begins. 🙂

Every gift under our Christmas tree comes from a random person in history or pop culture. Why? Simply because we can! …and who wouldn’t want to get a Christmas present from Matt Damon? I mean, seriously!

There are recurring favorites (speaking of Mr. Damon…) such as Jason Bourne, the president, Harrison Ford, and (only since Bob has joined our family) Bill Gates and Steve Jobs.

It has now escalated to such a level that the giver name(s) is actually a clue as to the nature of the gift [picture my dad hunched over Google for hours while wrapping gifts].

What does this look like? Old Navy items always have a naval theme … I once got an ON gift card from Gilbert and Sullivan (side: just got “He Is An Englishman!” stuck in my head for the rest of the day), and I think I also got a sweater one year from Com. Oliver Hazard Perry.

DVDs have a celebrity theme (see above reference to Matt Damon), and other than those two predictable categories, pretty much everything and everyone is fair game as long as it aligns with the subject of the gift. I believe my husband even received a gift from the Fed chair last year.

Opening presents like this often comes with announcements of context (as well as the occasional history lesson), lots of laughter, and of course, my father’s voice above the clammer “Agh! From Sylvester Stallone? I knew he’d come through for me this year!”

And with that, I’ll close …

Time to go start the 2010 research. I don’t think anybody’s received something from Ulysses S. Grant in a while …

Is There Another Way?

This time period of intense wondering was exhausting. Before I could tell anyone about my pregnancy, including my parents, I felt driven by the need to understand. Where did my life go wrong?

This time period of intense wondering was exhausting. Before I could tell anyone about my pregnancy, including my parents, I felt driven by the need to understand. Where did my life go wrong?

Did it start with petty childhood disappointments?

Was it years upon years of a Christian upbringing that seemed to me to only to be a set of actions? …another list from an exacting head who promised death and destruction if I didn’t deliver?

Then, much later, there was the fervent prayer that seemed to go unanswered —

Macular degeneration and congestive heart failure … a cruel death. One slowly suffocates while going blind. I sat by her bed almost every night my first year of college. She was the lady across the street, my German grandmother. She was dying painfully from the disease, and my family helped as we could. I remember one night in particular–the nights were the hardest as she struggled for breath–I read to her to comfort her, to take her mind off her suffering. This particular night, she’d asked (or I’d offered) to read to her from the Bible, from the book of Luke:

“Now there was a man in Jerusalem, whose name was Simeon, and this man was righteous and devout,waiting for the consolation of Israel, and the Holy Spirit was upon him. And it had been revealed to him by the Holy Spirit that he would not see death before he had seen the Lord’s Christ. And he came in the Spirit into the temple, and when the parents brought in the child Jesus, to do for him according to the custom of the Law, he took him up in his arms and blessed God and said, “Lord, now you are letting your servant depart in peace, according to your word; for my eyes have seen your salvation that you have prepared in the presence of all peoples, a light for revelation to the Gentiles, and for glory to your people Israel.”

As I read these words, she stopped me, and asked me to read the passage again. When I finished, she sighed and said, “I wish I could have faith like that.”

“You can, Oma! God will give you strength to have faith!”

She shook her head and turned away. “I’m tired now. I will try to sleep.”

“Please, God! Please save her! Please show her! She wants faith! Please, God!”

Within a few short weeks, she was dead … to my knowledge never having understood faith.

I had prayed! She had even said she wanted faith! Why, God? Why didn’t you answer me?

Anger.

I searched for some kind of clue, as if a single life experience could unlock the entire mystery of my rebellious heart. It had to have been that moment with Oma. There was no other single event that I could point to. But, truly, there was nothing. Though I could dredge up countless instances of deep hurt and anger–See, God? Look how much I was mistreated here!–there were no excuses. I had no excuses.

I had made my choices. I had used circumstances to allow the anger and resentment to grow. In light of this, it really didn’t matter how I’d gotten to this point. All that mattered now was what was still ahead.

Was there another way for me? Another road that left the resentment and anger behind? And if so, how do I get on that road after all this time spent in rebellion?

The only road before me was God, the very One I’d been running from. There was no flash of light, but only a strength of silence, a single conviction: there is no other road.

“I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”

Confess. Repent. Change.

“God, I’m broken before you …”

Friday Five: “Politician Is My Middle Name” edition

FRIDAY FIVE: The Political Edition!! Or, who the Ewoldt family is most likely to be in current* politics.
*note: current = I can’t be Margaret Thatcher. [muffled tears] I’m over it … really.

In a nod to this weekend (when many dress up as something other than what they usually are) and to the upcoming election (no comment on people being other than what they usually are), I give you ….

FRIDAY FIVE: The Political Edition!! Or, who the Ewoldt family is most likely to be in current* politics.
*note: current = I can’t be Margaret Thatcher. [muffled tears] I’m over it … really.

Bob: Rep. Aaron Schock (R, IL) — Mr. Schock has the notable distinction of being the youngest member of the U.S. House in the 111th Congress. Mr. Schock’s career started when he challenged his school board over a physical education credit. He assumed a position on the school board at age 19 after defeating the incumbent board president with a majority of almost 2,000 votes. Oh yeah, he was also a write-in. [editorial sidebar: A young, brainy Republican who challenges establishment in his free time? I’m sure I don’t see any resemblence whatsoever.]

Ellie: Nikki Haley (R, SC, gubernatorial candidate) — Ms. Haley is the Republican nominee in the South Carolina gubernatorial election. She has set the record for the best performance of a female gubernatorial candidate in the state’s history, and is a fiscal conservative with an emphasis on education. [editorial sidebar: And she is a female politician who is NOT Sarah Palin or Christine O’Donnell]

Darcy: Kelly Ayotte (R, NH) — Ms. Ayotte is a New Hampshire lawyer who is the current Republican nominee for the Senate seat about to be vacated by Judd Gregg. A quick look at her Wiki bio indicates that she’s verbal and tough. She’s got opinions and she doesn’t mind sharing them. Plus, she’s from New Hampshire. Did I already mention that?

Aidan: Rep. Anthony Weiner (D, NY) — Mr. Weiner is the Representative from New York’s 9th district and is a Democrat (see how bipartisan we are?). According to his bio, Mr. Weiner is considered to be the most intense and demanding member of Congress. Don’t believe me? Watch this. Hey, even if you do believe me, watch it. It’ll blow you away.

Chase: Howard Dean (D,VT) — Former Vermont Governor and ill-fated presidential campaign runner (2004). It’s all about screaming for attention.

If you were a politician, who would you be?

A Moment of Truth

There are some moments that are as clear as if they were 60 seconds ago.

I always think better as I drive. Driving and thinking. Normally, it’s a peaceful time for me, but not this late summer day.

My thoughts raced. It had been several days since I’d told him and I still had no concrete answers.

I’m going to lose everything. Everything!

There is the inevitable loss of reputation and standing. I’d undoubtedly lose friendships for the deep deception I’d played out. I knew that my parents would stand by me – because they’d always told me that I could come to them no matter what happened in my life – but I didn’t imagine for a second that our relationship wouldn’t be severely damaged. There was more … more than the reputation and relationship, there was also my job. I worked for a Christian institution and did not for a second think that I would be allowed to stay. I had only been on their payroll for two months and there was no precedence for my “situation” – which meant two things: no money, and no insurance.

The situation was so hopeless that I could hardly breath as it closed in on me. In that split second of thought as I drove I began to think that the only answer was an abortion.

I have to do this. There is no other possible way this will ever work. This will be the hardest thing I ever do, but I can do it and then I can move on with my life.

My palms got clammy. Can I do this? I have to. I have to.

I’ve heard epiphanies often come with light and sound, but mine was silent. The next breath; the next thought.

No. I can’t do this.

The answers were still miles away, but in that moment, the complete resolve of my spirit was much stronger than my weak and selfish will:

This pregnancy will not end by my hand. Every other obstacle can be worked out, but a baby will be born.

Author: Ellie