68 Days

68.  The number of days since we heard “He looks good, but…“.  68 days we’ve waited and it’s here.  Tomorrow, Tuesday, October 21st, is the MRI.

We’ve filled the days with closing on a house, starting new schools, moving, holidays, family visits, and so many other things.  And as they always have, the thoughts of Chase’s cancer have washed over us and ebbed again and again.  Some days pass with hardly a thought and others…others we cling to each other and those around us, begging prayer and help to hold us up because the weight of it seems too much.  Joy and pain constantly entwine around the reminder that we have absolutely nothing that was not graciously given to us by a loving and sovereign Father.

And you know what?  We’ve waited 68 days, but do you know what I absolutely forgot in the midst of a packed family weekend?  It’s been one year.  Thursday, October 16th marked one year since the last chemo went in and the machines went silent and we wondered if he’d ever recover and how on earth the cancer would stay away when we’d stopped fighting it.  One year.  So think about that tonight and tomorrow as we all sit under the MRI and the spinal tap and the imminent for better or worse news.  It’s been a whole year since chemo ended.  What a gift.

And you know what I wish I could share with you?  This last weekend, we took our first family vacation in over two years to attend my baby sister’s wedding in Oklahoma.  We were all together.  The whole family.  From all over the world, actually.  We were together.  And I was out on the dance floor with the kids and watched my baby sister, in her creamy lace gown, bend with the flowers in her hair – hands holding Chase.  And him in his blue gingham and khaki and they danced as he smiled up at Aunt Carrie because she was a princess.  I wish I could share that precious sight with you and that thankful rush of joy in the midst of it all.  What a gift.

So here we are.  The wait is about to be over.  68 days have passed in the 365 days that were an unexpected gift.  And we continue as we always have and always will…begging for grace and peace…

Moment by moment.

**We’d so greatly appreciate prayer for tomorrow and Wednesday.  Chase will be under general anesthesia and will go through a very detailed MRI and then be transferred to a different floor -still under anesthesia- for a spinal tap to check for the presence of cancer cells in his spinal fluid.  We will come home and rest tomorrow night and then go back to the hospital on Wednesday to meet with Chase’s teams of doctors and hear results and make decisions (if necessary).  We so appreciate each of you.  Thank you**

“You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” Psalm 16:11